Relationships for Dummies
by Sylindara
Summary: "I need your help to get Akashi to fall in love with me." Written for OTP Battle on basketballpoetsociety Tumblr


It is a well-known fact among the high school basketball circuit that Mibuchi Reo and Nebuya Eikichi do not get along. Dislike is too strong a word, but Mibuchi does not like his muscle fetish, his meat fetish, or his fetish for being as rude and crass as possible. So it's with great reluctance that he had agreed to see Nebuya for a 'consultation' before the regulars' meeting. Quite frankly, Mibuchi has no idea what Nebuya wants to consult him on and isn't sure he wants to know either.

"Hey, you're an okama right? You know about being gay and stuff."

This does not sound like a good start. "Are you trying to pick a fight."

"No, look, I need your help to get Akashi to fall in love with me."

Of all the things Nebuya might have wanted to talk to him about, this possibility didn't even enter Mibuchi's mind. No one will believe that Nebuya Eikichi, voted most likely to marry a piece of meat at the cultural festival (things got a bit silly near the end with everyone on a high from the success of the festival and the lack of sleep for the past week or so), is in love with Akashi Seijuurou, captain of Rakuzan's illustrious and respected Boys' Basketball Team. Mibuchi isn't sure he believes it himself, and he had just heard Nebuya say that. "Wait, what did you just say? When did you start being interested in men? When did you start being interested in anything that's not food?"

"I dunno. It's just- you know how depressed the guy's been since the Winter Cup. It kind of pisses me off, I guess, that he never had to deal with losing before. But mostly it makes me wanna cheer him up. And then it's like, I don't just wanna cheer him but I wanna have sex with him too. I don't know about being interested in men, I just think Akashi's kind of hot."

"I don't understand," Mibuchi says helplessly. He was with him up to the wanting to cheer Akashi up while simultaneously being a bit jealous that Akashi's never had this happen before part, but how it turned into sex Mibuchi does not get at all.

"Look, you gonna help or not?"

"Give me a minute, okay? Give me a minute. I need to process this," Mibuchi says, sitting down on the clubroom bench and putting his head into his hands dramatically.

"How long am I supposed to stand here? He's gonna be here soon, you know."

Mibuchi checks the clock on the wall – it's ten minutes past the time they'd agreed on for the regulars' meeting, Akashi will arrive any minute now. But before Reo can think about dealing with this, he has to know, "How do you even know that Akashi is interested in men? That he would be interested in you?"

"I've seen him looking while we're changing; he stares at Mayuzumi's pecs all the time. You just don't notice 'cause you're so busy trying not to stare at anyone yourself; you can, you know, I know my pecs can win against anyone anytime."

Mibuchi's wry response of, "Thanks, I think. But I'll pass," is drowned out by the loud sound of someone hitting the floor, and the two second years turn to find the person in question, Mayuzumi Chihiro, sitting beside the far benches and staring at them dazedly.

"You were here the whole time?" Mibuchi shrieks in surprise, "I thought you can't make it to the meeting because you're too busy studying for exams?"

"Akashi looks at my pecs?" Mayuzumi says, ignoring Mibuchi's question. In his defence, it is a pretty shocking thing to find out all of a sudden.

A loud knock suddenly rings out in the silent clubroom and the door opens just as they turn around.

"Hey guys, we're here!" Hayama says cheerfully, cutting into the heavy atmosphere as he leads Akashi inside.

"Kotarou! I just remembered that Yamanaka-sensei needs us to go meet him for something. Sorry everyone, we'll be back in a while," Mibuchi says hurriedly, pushing Hayama back out of the door. Behind him, he can hear Mayuzumi say, "I just wanted to have a look at you guys, I'm leaving now too."

The moment the door closes behind the three of them, Mibuchi slaps his hands over the other two's mouths and leans his ear against the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Hayama and Mayuzumi rolling their eyes at each other. But more importantly, he can hear Nebuya and Akashi talking to each other inside.

"Look, Akashi, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Alright, what is it?" Mibuchi can imagine the look of polite inquiry on Akashi's face, because that is the tone of voice he uses when he already knows what you are about to say.

"Sometimes, life doesn't go the way you want. That's okay, you just gotta train more and things'll get better. I can recommend you a training menu." Nebuya gives a little nervous cough. On the other side of the door, Mibuchi does his best not to barge inside and strangle the idiot because what the hell does he think he's doing?

There is a strained pause, before, "That wasn't what I was expecting," Akashi says slowly.

"Yeah? What were you expecting?"

"For you to kiss me."

"Oh, I can still do that."

"Good."

Mibuchi moves away from the door after that, hooking an arm around Hayama and Mayuzumi and walking away humming cheerfully.

"Does this mean we don't need to try and cheer up Akashi anymore?" Hayama muses behind him as he is dragged along.

"Thank god," Mayuzumi adds.

Mibuchi ignores them. Nothing they say can ruin his good mood.


End file.
